Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in Leonid's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, November 29th, 2000
3:33 pm	Dark City I've been thinking about seeing this movie off and on for quite some time. It got very poor reviews ... not that I typically pay attention to them. Even with my friends, it got mixed reviews. One of my friends, Joe Boyden, taught me something about enjoying movies ... don't learn anything about it before you see it. In this case, it paid off ... in spades. So, the movie was out in the theaters ... and it was low on my list. The movie was out on video ... and it was still very low on my list. I was in Borders today and it was on the bargain rack for $12.99. I figured, "What the heck ... I've spent more on horrible movies." (Typically on dates ... maybe it wasn't the movie ... but the company. Hmmmm ... a riddle for another day.) Before I get to the thick of the review, I have to say one thing. I'm sorry Nils for doubting you. I know you understand ... our tastes in movies tend to be quite different in some areas. Maybe it was the mood I'm in ... I almost didn't watch the movie today. Had I not watched it today ... it probably would have sat on the shelf for a very long time. I didn't really want to watch something dark ... something that matched my black mood. But, once again ... I figured, "What the heck." Wow! It is a very powerful movie. It was nothing like I expected from the trailers or the reviews that I had seen or heard from friends. It is rife with the things that make one think. It is full of heavy emotions and not just the downer ones as is typical of today's formulaic drama (you know the ones that follow in the footsteps of Terms of Endearment, copying the emotions and pacing and just change the characters around) ... a true roller coaster ride. It is also a classic horror film. It is not your hack-and-slash, blood-and-gore kind of movie ... but a true dark thriller. It is the kind of movie that, despite the lack of things that most people call horror today, is chilling. It has that grab-you-by-the-balls-and-yank feel, like Fallen or The Devil's Advocate. It even has a touch of science fiction. True, the science fiction is not as well done as the other aspects of the movie, but it is a minor thread to the plot of the movie ... so I will excuse it. I think the inclusion of the deus ex machina was not necessary to the plot of the film and didn't add anything ... but it was woven in well enough that it didn't take anything away either. (See the end of this review for my bias against "God In The Box" science fiction.) Rufus Sewell had an outstanding and thoroughly convincing performance as the man without a past. Jennifer Connelly was her typical self ... eye candy with some good lines and a face that conveys emotion well ... now if she could just convince someone to cast her in something where she could show off whatever acting ability she may or may not have instead of her body. Kiefer Sutherland showed off his versatility in this film ... the weak-willed bad guy who does right in the end. All in all ... it is a definite must-see! Rating ***** (Full Price) Genre Horror, Dark Drama Action 4 (Good action, at the end ... where it belonged) Comedy 0 (Not a ha-ha kind of movie) Drama 8 (Powerful scenes strewn throughout the movie ... but not a tear-jerker) Horror 10 (Not your dad's horror movie) Sex 1 (Only in the form of some fleeting nakedness) Violence 2 (Blood in a couple cases ... no guts) Deus Ex Machina or "God In The Box" The "God In The Box" is, unfortunately, an element in many movie plots. Typically, it is seen as a crutch for when a story gets too hairy and has to be wrapped up quickly. This element is something that with the press of a button or a flip of a switch ... does what all little kids ask their parents at one time or another, "make it all ok again." It can be seen in Total Recall in the machine that the aliens left behind ... where it makes air and everyone lives happily ever after. Sorry, but that's not how it works in the real world. "But Leonid ... movies aren't the real world," you say. True, but in order for one to be transported to a world and have it really mean something when you remember it here ... it has to be believable. Current Mood: Review Current Music: Vertical Horizon - Everything She Wants (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 26th, 2000
12:42 pm	Broken Toys and Galahads Broken Toys is the title of an article on Lum The Mad, a webzine about Massively Multiplayer Online Games (MMOGs) and their communities that I read daily. It uses a lawsuit brought against Origin Systems earlier this year as a springboard into the psychology of people who have lost their way. If you haven't already, please read the article. It's long ... but it's good. I know many people who look at themselves this way. They look at themselves as broken toys. They all "want something remotely resembling a soul, something holy that can be saved". The sad thing is that they don't see that they have it already. Not a one of these people that I know has nothing noble ... nothing redeemable about them. All of them have several admirable qualities ... including an inner strength that when the chips are down gets them through shit that would make most grown men piss their pants. But they get to a point where they relax and review and turn their vision inward. When they do this, all they see is the parts of themselves that are wrong. They are so consumed by their own vision of themselves, they even turn away people who see something different ... for fear that these people, if allowed too close, will see the broken toy. Well, I have a confession to make. I, too, am a broken toy. In the above, I was describing myself as much as anyone else ... though, trust me, I was not describing only myself. I, like some others, have the special ability to put on such a front that it looks like I'm in complete control ... and sometimes, it's true. Some others have seen this part of me ... this Galahad version of myself and reached out to me ... hoping that I can lead them out of their own cycle through my own strength alone. They eventually get too close ... and see that I am just like themselves ... and they get disgusted. I'm not going to do that anymore. I am a broken toy. I'm not looking for someone to lead me out of the dark forest ... and I'm not looking to lead anyone else out. I'm no Galahad. I'm just looking for a companion to share the real me with ... the me that's so much more than just a broken toy ... just like all the others. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Bread - If (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 25th, 2000
4:49 pm	The Alpha Male ... I spent a couple days in Bloomington earlier this week. I was at the wedding of a couple of friends. I had a lot of fun ... it was great to see them again for a while. On the other hand, dealing with the bride's family was less than fun. The women were fine ... if a bit stand-offish. (Every once in a while, something reminds me of how the rest of the country views California and Californians.) The men of the family were all deeply immersed in the "alpha male" dynamic. This is where men basically posture and puff up in order to establish dominance within a pecking order. Case in point, while the pictures of the groom's party were taking place ... the father of the bride injected himself into the conversation. The subject of martial arts training came up ... Dave, the groom, has a brown belt (one step away from black belt) in Kenpo Karate. It was then pointed out that I have a yellow belt in Kenpo and a blue belt in aikido. The father of the bride, whose name escapes me, said, "I have a belt too ... want to know what it is?" I already could tell what was going on ... so I kind of rolled my eyes and didn't respond. He turns square to me and pulls back his shoulders ... looking me dead in the eye. Then he says, "I have a 357 Magnum belt." Then he fixes me with a gaze that was supposed to be meaningful and threatening. I just smiled and turned my back on him. One of the brothers of the bride was also this way. He told Dave how he would "take him out" if he did anything to hurt Gretchen. Typically, I wouldn't think anything of this ... but his stance and his glare at Dave was pretty serious. He wasn't joking. I started laughing ... then Dave joined in. This took him aback a bit. He wasn't used to people being that confident in that type of situation. He stammered out how he had heard that Dave was "into martial arts" ... and he was going to continue with how it wouldn't matter or whatever. Dave just said, "That's not why I'm here ... to start trouble." Why is it that so many people feel the need to engage in this kind of thing? I even tried to explain it to the rest of my family ... how disgusted I was with people. And they just shrugged it off like, "Duh ... why do you expect people to be any different? What's wrong with you?" Well ... geez guys ... I kinda expect people to treat each other with respect and kindness. Treating people like you're going to start a fight or shoot them if they piss you off just seems to be a bit ... oh ... unevolved? Uncivilized? Counter-productive? I guess I'm just going to have to think about it some more ... Current Mood: amused Current Music: Robbie Williams - Angels (Comment on this)
Friday, November 17th, 2000
1:17 am	A suggestion ... ... was made to me that I turn my LiveJournal into a movie review database of sorts. I watch a lot of movies. I own a rather extensive DVD collection too. Well, I think I'll take a shot. BTW, the link below will take you to the listing at the Internet Movie Database. Overall rating is basically judged on, in retrospect, how much I would have like to have paid to see the movie. Other people might not pay as much ... but they can get their own damn page ;) Subratings are done in a 1-10 fashion, basically saying what amount each element has in the movie. The elements are: Action, Comedy, Drama, Horror, Sex, Violence. Rating System ***** I would pay full price at the theater to see it **** I would pay matinee prices to see it in the theater *** I would rent it on video ** I would wait for it on cable * Don't bother Action The thrills of a movie Comedy The amount of laughs in the movie Drama The sappiness of the movie (A high rating here typically means a tear-jerker) Horror The chills of a movie Sex The raciness of a movie Violence The blood and guts of a movie Lethal Weapon 4 Rating **** (Matinee) Genre Action, Wrap-up Sequel Action 7 (Good action, relatively constant) Comedy 3 (Lame rehashes of old favorites) Drama 2 (A couple touching moments) Horror 0 (No freakiness anywhere) Sex 0 (No sex either) Violence 3 (Some blood and guts) The movie was good for the people that really liked the first three. It was stretching the series a bit, but it was nice to have a wrap-up and introduce a new face (Chris Rock) that fit right into the old crew. The action was non-stop, but was somewhat painful. I realize that Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) getting old is realistic, but hey ... Riggs was my hero from my high school years. Watching him get beat up time after time was disheartening. Jet Li had a stellar performance with very little wire work. What is it about Jet Li that makes people want to put wires on him, a la Romeo Must Die? He is a superb performer both dramatically and physically, he doesn't need wires. I paid full price for it on opening night and was somewhat disappointed. Mainly because the comedy that was such an integral part of the first three was rather lacking in this final episode. My father was a cop and I can remember him talking about how it was nice to see something depict cops realistically, instead of larger than life (either on the Dark Side or the Light). They made an attempt at comedy in several instances that just fell short or seemed contrived. The drama was there in a couple spots. This is a wrap-up sequel, after all. There's gotta be some sort of character development ... some item we haven't seen before. The drama was good, when it was there ... but true to the series it didn't take center stage for very long. The violence was only significant in the last action scene. Once again, true to the series ... it's not about blood and guts ... just some guys doing their job and things inevitably fall out of place. Overall, it was a fun movie that I've added to my collection beside the other three ... but only because it was part of the series. It didn't have enough merit to truly stand on it's own ... but that's why it's a sequel. Current Mood: Review Current Music: Bangles (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 16th, 2000
12:21 pm	*yawn* Not having a job sucks. It's not just the money ... which right now I don't have to worry about. It's the lack of a creative outlet that bothers me. The life just seems to drain out of me at times. I'm not motivated. I stay up late doing stuff that is fun, but doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. I feel like I'm wasting myself. I like that I have time to spend with my friends. I like that I have had the chance to go do things that I wouldn't normally have been able to ... (going to The Box rocks!). But there's still that nagging thought that I am here to do something ... and somehow, I don't think playing EverQuest and going to Goth clubs is it. Helping people somehow ... I think that is it ... so maybe meeting people in EverQuest and at Goth clubs is a good thing, but I still need a job. Current Mood: blah Current Music: Vertical Horizon (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 14th, 2000
8:19 am	To my gods ... The eternal question ... why? Why do things like this happen? Why are people like that allowed to exist? Why did it have to happen to Selene? Hasn't she been through enough? Why did such a wonderful evening, following such a wonderful day, have to end on such a tragic note? Was it my dancing with the imaginary knives? And if so, why was Selene punished for my transgression? Why must humans constantly make me question why I have made the decision to give them the respect I thought you were telling me they deserve simply because they exist? Why must they anger me so? Why did you give me this gift of being able to see and empathize with people, so I might feel their pain? Why did this happen? What am I supposed to take away from all this? I don't understand ... I'm going to bed, perhaps you will answer me in my dreams ... Current Mood: cynical Current Music: Sarah McLachlan ... still (Comment on this)
8:11 am	To Selene If you're worried about the timestamp on this entry, I got sleepy on the way home so I pulled off near this nature preserve and took a nap before continuing. I feel really bad about what happened. We talked a lot last night about women and how I relate to them. Well, I have a really strong need to protect the women that I care about. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to protect you. I wish I knew better how to help you. I could see that look in your eyes ... a look I know from my own personal experience. I knew you weren't ok ... but I also knew that whatever you were thinking about was one (or many) of those things that you just don't share ... so I didn't want to push the issue. I hope that was the right decision ... You also said once that I seem to have a lot of strong moments ... well ... here's a weak one ... Current Mood: melancholy Current Music: Sarah McLachlan (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 11th, 2000
7:08 pm	Just your average day ... Nothing much to report. Hunted today in Najena in EverQuest. It was my last hunt with No Tears as a No Tears member. Tomorrow at noon, I join Temerity. The hunt went decently. We had two groups. One was too low for the dungeon. The other was too high for the areas of the dungeon to which we had access. We had a couple deaths ... and no real loot or experience to speak of. It was Ureasai's chance to prove himself ... I think he did admirably, considering his age (12). Other than that, I've been lounging around relaxing. I'm going to go out tonight and see if I can't scare up something interesting to do. Somehow, I don't think so. I told Christy that I'd go see her tonight ... but we had a talk (via email) that basically says she's not interested in me ... so that kinda takes some of the fun out of it. Once again the phrase "I'm not ready for a relationship" rears it's ugly head. What is that? I mean, I guess it's "letting me down easy". My female friends tell me that I'm a reasonably attractive guy ... and that I'm really sweet and caring. But much more often than not, I get "I'm not ready for a relationship". What readies one for a relationship? And then there's the adage of "When you stop looking for a relationship, it'll find you." According to that, you're most ready for that special someone when you're not ready for a relationship. My head hurts ... Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Timbuk3 (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, November 10th, 2000
12:57 am	As predicted ... I got home from aikido tonight and started playing EverQuest. I'm behind the power curve that Temerity has going ... so I've got some catching up to do. Well, as predicted ... it seems that some members of No Tears may be freezing me out already. Some are still being just as friendly as before ... but we'll see ... GIFs at 11 (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 9th, 2000
1:05 am	Hmmmm ... I play EverQuest, I admit it. Also, I have been the guild leader of a guild called No Tears Initiates, the "newbie" guild of No Tears since it was created back in December. In EverQuest, a guild is an association of players that get certain benefits of being in a guild, mainly the ability to show their guild affiliation and easy communication with any other member of the guild that happens to be online. I also have been pretty active with another guild called Temerity. They have been allies of No Tears pretty much from the start and have been special friends to me during my time in the game. This past weekend I spent a lot of time with the members of Temerity in real life and got to know them even better than I had the opportunity to in game. The guild leader of Temerity invited me to join. Because I've been tiring of my role as guild leader of No Tears Initiates, among other reasons, I decided to accept. Unfortunately, I know that one member of No Tears has taken this move somewhat personally and I fear there may be more. I'm sure someone will say, "It's just a game ... get over it." But it's not quite that simple. When people spend a lot of time doing something ... even a hobby ... they invest emotions into it and at that point it's no longer "just an X". I think the main thing is that many people, because my character tends to be the public face of No Tears both inside and outside the game, think of me as being No Tears. I think they fear that things will change significantly with me gone ... and that scares them. I did my best to explain my decision and that I'm not trying to leave No Tears in a lurch ... but we'll see how it goes. Leonid (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 8th, 2000
1:23 pm	It all started with socks ... A nice adventure for two ... at 2am yesterday (I think ... it's kinda blurry) the quest began ... who knows where it will end. Fun is what it's all about and I had a very enjoyable time. Hope you had a good sleep ... Leonid (Comment on this)